I've just realized I've only written one personal post on this site... that should change. I'm a very personal blogger.. I write like I speak.. so let me tell you a little bit about myself. I'm gonna be raw with you. Get your mind outta the gutter.
I'm a 24 year old goofball who loves taking photos and loves DIY crafts. (Don't redirect me to Pinterest, I don't have an account. Bet you didn't see that coming. I deserve an award or a cuddle from somebody for that.) I've always been a crafty individual though, ask my parents. I've always been pretty good at working with what I've got and creating things out of nothing.
Spending 9 years at a private school didn't really let me express myself how I wanted to. Free dress days weren't really 'free dress' as far as my style was concerned. I was still pretty social though. I would hangout with girls and have sleepovers, but I'd also hangout with the boys and play in the dirt. I've always been bad at choosing sides. I'm a people pleaser.
I strived to be 'different' with my drastic haircuts and ever-changing hair colors along with my odd shoe collection and rough attitude.. Yeah, I was something alright. Snarky...a professional button-pusher, you parents know what I'm talking about. But hey, I was fun, I kept everyone on their toes and all I wanted to do was make people laugh. I'd hangout with me.
I feel like I didn't officially become an adult until very recently though. It's been a crazy journey but it's one that I wouldn't change. And while weeding out bad seeds and learning about how to love myself has deemed quite challenging... I'm loving the process and who I meet along the way; even the bad ones. Nobody said it was easy they just promised it'd be worth it, right?
If you would have told me when I was 17 that this is what would happen between then and now, I would NOT have believed you. When I mentioned I loved keeping people on their toes; that's exactly what life did to me. It threw me a fast one and I handled it as best as I could. I really knew how to pick 'em when it came to relationships in my past, let me tell you. Sparing you all of the "poor her poor her" details, a not-so-nice boy and a divorce was involved. Definitely boy, not man. I was not treated like I deserved to be. But there I was, 21 years old and had no idea who I was, left in a terrible situation with a strategic decision to make on how to get out.
I remember the day when everything came to an end and I was sitting on my bed at my parents house, not crying and feeling numb, my dad walked in and said something to me. At first, it was hard to understand how he meant it, but I know he meant it in a positive way and I see that now. He said, "Nobody ever wants to see their child go through something like this, but out of all my kids I'm glad it was you because I know you can handle it and come out on top."
He doesn't know this, but that quote has stuck with me immensely throughout my growth and rehabilitation process. So, dad, if you're reading this, thank you. You were right, I'm a tough f*cking cookie and look, I came out on top just like you said I would. I've built a life for myself that is all my own and I've found someone who appreciates and respects every inch of me. Everything I've learned along the way has made me who I am and will ultimately help me love him better.
Thank you for always believing in me and knowing my worth even when I didn't.
Bottom line, I've been through complex things but I wouldn't categorize myself as a complex person. I know what I want and I go after it. This is what I've learned.
- Every experience you go through is a positive one, it all depends on how you look at it.
- Only you are in control of you, you can't control what others do.
- Every heartache equals growth.
- Figure out who you are and learn to love yourself.
- Don't let anyone make you feel like you aren't good enough because you are.
- Know your worth and don't settle for anything less.
And if it helps, I believe in you.