One Hundred & Eighty Three Days

Spencer,

This is going to be a post that is written over a number of days in a number of places because life gets crazy and when thoughts hit me, I need to write them down. Especially when they're about you.


Location #1: My living room floor, in your sweatpants, Fri, Jan 23rd, 3:15pm.

We're leaving for Hawaii in less than 24 hours. i should probably be packing for Hawaii right now but fuck it. But it hit me, 6 months? Feels like 6 years. i mean that in the best way possible. I'm not really one for celebrating month-aversaries but since we are in Hawaii and I'm a sucker for writing about you, I figured why not.  I haven't seen you since Monday morning right before you left for work and I'm aching. But we are about to spend 10 days of pure paradise together and I cannot fucking wait. You truly are my best friend. You make me forget about the shitty times and all those cloudy thoughts that my past produced. You make me feel safe. 

Sometimes home isn’t four walls, It’s two eyes and a heartbeat.
— Unknown

Location #2: In Hawaii, lying in bed, you're in the shower. Sun, Jan 26. 4:11pm.

Tried a new face product before we left on vacation and it made me break out. We came back from a hike and I had a moment of "blah" about my face and you could tell something was up. I told you what was wrong and you walked over to me and kissed me on the side of the head and said "you're the prettiest girl in the world." 

You have no idea how much these moments mean to me. 


Location #3: In Hawaii, you're stocking your cameras with film, and I'm sitting on the bed. Sun, Jan 26, 9:16pm

Today was our first day in Hawaii. Not our first getaway together, it's been awhile since we've had a solid one, one that wasn't just one night. Usually people are nervous about going away, especially in the "beginning" of a relationship, some just wouldn't take the risk. I'm glad we did, even though i saw no risk. It feels so good to BE with you with no distractions, no stress-related work issues and no responsibilities other than to explore, relax and have fun. So far so fucking good. You seriously make me feel on top of the world. *end cliche rant

sorry mom

sorry mom

Location #4: In Hawaii, curled up in bed, you're outside talking with my brother. Wed, Jan. 28, 9:28pm

I think every day you impress me more and more. Which is something my mother told me as well. which is a huge deal if you didn't know. Six months into a relationship and you choose to embark on a 10-day vacation with me and my crazy insane family. Takes nuts. I'm not even sure you know how grateful I am that you're here with me. It would have been empty feeling without you. I already experienced Germany without you and my glass was definitely half empty. I think that's when you know shit just got real.. when you don't want to experience traveling without that one person because it wouldn't feel right. You need that sidekick. You need that other half to experience it with you. You are that. You are everything. 

I'm so excited for what is to come, our future together and the experiences we will share. I'm even excited for the disagreements and the hard times. Feeling confident and solid in a relationship is something I haven't felt until you. I love you so much and I'm not going anywhere; I'm all in. All my chips are in and I feel like I've already won. 

Love,

buttmunch



My Queen,

I've never been one for monthiverseries. Or even bi annual celebrations. But we are in Hawaii and it did seem to be very important to you. And something about when you get all gitty and excited about stuff makes me gitty and excited too.

Over the past year and a half or so I've worked really hard on bettering myself and being as independent as I can be. Not letting anyone else dictate my life or the choices I make. Doing things for myself and being confident in my life's path. Before I met you I had developed the notion that relationships and girls were a distraction and ultimately crippling to my master plan of success and happiness. I guess most of my experiences with relationships in the past had influenced this notion.

I knew that I was miserable. I was angry and bitter and I was alright with that. Because if I was cynical and pessimistic, no one could hurt me. No one could tell me anything that would make my outlook on life and the people around me any worse. If I convinced myself that everyone sucked, no one could disappoint me or let me down. Yes, this mentality is just as poisonous and miserable as it sounds. But I had already been hurt so many consecutive times that I had all but given up. And I was alright with it. I was alone and doing just fine. I was living the selfish and lonely life I wanted to live and it felt good.

Then you came prancing into my life with your glowing happiness and irresistible smile. You had suffered through much worse betrayal and still found a way to be positive and inspiring. To see the best in people. To give people a second chance and find forgiveness. And I knew that I had to stick by you. I had to learn and be inspired. You had brought a new light to my very dark world and I had forgotten what bliss that could be. And I had to know what we could be. Where this new found light could take me.

So here we are. Sitting on a bed in your brother's guest bedroom in their beautiful beachside home. Finding adventures in a place most only dream of visiting. And each day I'm finding new reasons for fall in love with you all over again. If someone had told me a year ago that I would be waltzing around Oahu with a girl like you I would have laughed in their face.

Today I am grateful. I am humbled. And I am happy. And I could not have done it without you. So thank you. You have been my the butter to my toast for 6 months now, but it feels like I've known you my whole life. So heres to the next 6 months, and the many years to come. 

 

We're goin' places and we're goin' there fast.