Around this time of year all I see are blog posts about goals they want to achieve in the new year. I figured, while that is helpful to some.. that's pretty cliché and that's not who I am, I don't feel like that's a form of growth... I'd rather switch it up, focus on the shit I DON'T want to do so I know better for next time. I highly recommend it.
Hell, every DAY is a new opportunity to grow but for the sake of the New Year fast approaching, we're gonna go with the year thing. I definitely learned a lot about myself this year and I personally find this backwards method to be far more therapeutic than focusing on things you'll probably do for a month and then go back to eating pizza every weekend because that's what I usually do. Focusing on the things you need to work on, the things that went wrong this year, what you gained from them and how you can grow from here on out. It doesn't all have to be emotional shit either, keep that in mind, this list is entirely up to you. Personalize it. You'd be surprised how much more motivating it is than a regular list of "I'm gonna eat healthier" goals. I find it makes you dig a bit deeper, y'know?
So, humanize with me for a second, here's my personal list for 2016:
- I don't want to overthink as much as I do sometimes. I want to focus on how to better keep my mind occupied and focused on things that matter and not things that only live in my mind.
- I don't want to harbor any deep rooted anger towards anything or anyone. I must remember only I have the ability to confront or let go of any situation that takes up too much of my brain space. It's not worth it.
- I don't want to focus any of my energy on what's NOT happening. I need to focus on what IS happening in the present moment because that's what matters most. Sometimes that slips, I'm only human however.
- I don't want to give anyone else control over my own happiness. It is completely up to me to be happy, not anyone else.
- I don't want to neglect my car and it's needs, I must treat it like it's my child. I'm sorry baby.
- I don't want to invest time in people that don't respect me enough to just be honest with me. Be real with me, I get shit, I can take it.
- I don't want to be so hard on myself. Just chill, Michelle, you're doing good.
- I don't want to let the appearance of my skin effect the way I carry myself or live out my day. Bad skin days happen and I should never let that stop me from gaining every experience from those 24 hours I am blessed with.
- I don't want to overanalyze every thing I say 5 seconds after I've said it. Or at least I want to try harder not to. Struggling with anxiety it tends to come as a package deal. I'm constantly working on bettering myself at that.
- I don't want anyone to ever think that I have a picture perfect life. I want to continue to be as authentic, gritty and messy as I truly am. I'm pretty gross you guys.
I urge you, whether it's for New Year's or just a random Wednesday night, to sit down and analyze the lessons you've learned. I promise you, it helps. But also remember to not be so hard on yourself. You're learning, I'm learning, we're all just slowly inching our way to the top of wherever and whoever we want to be.
If you're going into the new year with zero advice, let me leave you with what always helps me. I know I've said this before but... every bad situation can always be turned into something positive. Everything, no matter what the circumstance, can motivate you to go harder, be better or be stronger than you were before. Now I sound like my mother, huh. I'm okay with it, I like her.
These are things I tell myself every day. Let me get personal with you guys for a moment here. This year I got laid off from a steady job I had for almost 3 years. That wasn't in the cards, but shit happens. I knew that wasn't the direction I wanted my "career-life" to go. So, a bit sooner than I expected to leave, I took it as a sign that I should focus all my energy on what DOES make me happy and somehow create a career out of that. It's seriously all about perspective, I'm telling you... that whole mom thing I said before. It's also all about surrounding yourself with the right people and the right support system. Someone to smack you in the ass and say go fucking get 'em right when you need it. If you don't have one of those, I volunteer as tribute.
This year has been full of crazy opportunity, adventure, self love and acceptance and I bet it won't be the only year that is. I can't wait to see what the future holds. I have a feeling it's gonna be a great 2016. ok, too cliché, i have to go wash out my mouth with soap now.
I love you guys, I hope every single one of you has a great holiday season. See you next year.
P.S. I apologize it's been so long since I've blogged, this month has been insanely busy, in a great way. But I assure you, I'm not going anywhere, I don't think anything could stop me from writing. I'm afraid you're stuck with me, we're in a relationship, that's it. wannafightaboutit?