It's Ok To Admit Something Is Hard For You.

A bit late for an announcement if you follow me on social media but, we have a new member of our little family. Meet Warwick, he's a little loaf of corgi bread with much sass. And if you're wondering, yes he is named after Warwick Davis. ;)

We've had him for a month now and let me tell you... hardest month I've had in a really long time. Eight week puppies are NO JOKE. Spencer has never owned a pet before, much less a puppy, so he was less prepared than I was. Mentally. Getting this dog is something we have been daydreaming about for YEARS and I think maybe the sheer shock of it happening so quickly is what threw us for a loop. "Oh ok, now? Alright. Uh, well, let's go then." It felt like a now or never kind of thing, plus, he was pretty darn perfect. Have you seen that faaace?! I saw Spencer's eyes when he held him and I knew he was hooked. You can't just walk away from something that makes the most important person in your life light up like a god damn christmas tree. You can't. Feels like a sin of some sort.

I've grown up with dogs, we had two when I was growing up so I'm somewhat aware of what was to come but I have to admit, the first few days when Spencer was at work and I was left to handling him by myself, I felt like I was hit with a ton of bricks. I know I know it's NOTHING compared to taking care of a newborn child, but as someone who doesn't have kids yet, it's pretty fucking hard. I felt like my whole life was suddenly on hold and I couldn't do anything I wanted to get done. I felt paralyzed, stressed, and overwhelmed in the sudden shift in my entire daily routine. To some, it may sound like I'm overreacting, and now a few weeks into it, I am much more relaxed... but I was dancing that line of depression for a bit. I'm not afraid to admit that.

The first day I was with him alone while Spencer was at work all I wanted to do was take a shower and I felt like I couldn't. I felt like I wasn't able to accomplish anything, let alone take 30 seconds to pee. And now, 5 weeks in, I'm definitely much better. I'm able to go get errands done every day and I have a schedule to tiring him out and keeping him busy so I can somewhat keep my daily routine. But god damn... I'm looking at motherhood in a completely different way now and I also have a ridiculous amount of respect for people who get puppies WHILE having kids. Mom, you fucking beast. Two puppies with 3 children?! You're some sort of superhero. But I already knew that.

At first, I felt ashamed to admit to anyone that I was having a hard time with this. Why does it seem so easy for other people? Am I doing something wrong? Am I over-caring about this dog when I should be more relaxed? I still have days when I ask myself this. You also have people telling you what THEY believe is the right thing to do and everyone's opinion is different. So fucking frustrating! I can't imagine how it feels when it'll be my actual child. I know some mom's reading this will be rolling their eyes, "Oh it's a dog, not a baby. You're fine." and compared to raising a child... yeah, you're right. But hey, it's still OK to admit when something is hard for you. That's all I have to say.

It's definitely been a huge learning experience for us both. We've had our long nights and tiny feelings of regret when it's the hardest, but we must persevere. There's nothing we can do but try our best and move forward day by day. I just have to remind myself that it's up to us on whether or not he's a good boy. Persistence and patience. I refuse to let this be the thing that takes me down a rabbit hole of anxiety, especially since he's so fucking fluffy and adorable. 

This is a puppy PHASE, Michelle. It is what it is. A phase. I have had great dogs in my life and I know they always grow out of this and become amazing if you train them right and love them to death. And we have every intention of loving this loaf all of our days. I just have to keep repeating this to myself every single day, especially on the hard ones.

I hope that me admitting all of this helps anyone who might be going through the same struggles. It's okay to admit something is difficult for you. There's no shame in that. But the amount of time you lie in the dirt is completely up to you. Maybe your issue has nothing to do with raising a puppy, but dealing with a matter that may seem like it's just so easy for others but is tiresome for you. Know that you're not alone. I know that it brings me comfort when people tell me they agree it was difficult in the beginning but they always ALWAYS finish their sentence by telling me it was worth it. That brings me peace.

Shit hits people and we all handle it in our own ways. There are things that have happened to me that didn't seem like a big deal but I'm sure it was for others. I hope that I can be there for them if they need it. I believe imbalance like that brings balance to the world. We're all here to help each other and learn from each other. I was blown away by how many of you tweeted me the sweetest words of encouragement when I was being vulnerable and worrisome the past few weeks. You have no idea how much that means to me. So thank you. You're absolutely allowed to be a boss ass bitch and still feel overwhelmed and cry sometimes. 

Maybe this is life's way of saying, "Hey... you've had it a bit easy these past few weeks, here deal with this. aaaand Go." What a cruel joke, universe. haha. But I will take that challenge. Bring it the fuck on. I hope you don't let whatever you're trying to conquer beat you down and I hope you know that it'll all be worth it in the end. You got this, I got this, we're solid.